And In Actual News

Can anyone catch the Arizona Diamondbacks? This is the kind of start that can cement first place for a team for the whole season, especially with the rest of the division scuffling at .500. Getting beaten regularly by Arizona isn’t helping.

And Brandon Webb is 6-0, which is wild enough, but he’s also had a decision in every start so far, which is statistically pretty amazing, if you want to do the math. Still, he’s allowed more total base-runners than innings pitched so far, so there’s room for improvement . . .

Also, Billy Wagner gave up his first hit in over 9 innings yesterday. If there’s a proper way to play the bogus position of ‘closer,’ I’d say that’s it. Meanwhile, on the Left Coast, a team that I’m now fond of since they are far away has a puzzle on their hands. Is Barry not riding the skateboard enough? Note the cliché speak, that he feels he’s not pitching aggressively enough. I think if he starts daring hitters with his currently low-80’s fastball, he just might do baseball a service and help wipe that phrase from the lexicon of nonsense. And in token American League news (because it’s boring), wasn’t this the year C.C. Sabathia was going to become a very, very rich young man?

But what’s really on everyone’s mind right now, or should be, is how someone draped in cloth, in other words with their torso covered, can be described as topless? I thought the fact that people smoked marijuana was the greatest danger to the collective oligarchy of America, being that it is clearly an illegal immigrant substance, with that name and all. But, apparently, I’m wrong. Not that there’s anything else important happening . . .

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